Thursday, June 23, 2011

Depression: 10 tips for banishing the "black dog"

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog on “The Darkest Hour” – those moments before things improve when we have plunged the depths. All seems hopeless at these points – not least because we are uncertain where the bottom lies. Our fall seems relentless, with no net or ledge in sight to break our fall.

The blog generated some response, which is always heartening. But it was also concerning. When down, it’s hard to look up, or even stop the fall. So talk of “darkest hour” can only ever – I now realise – be retrospective. “Oh yes, that was the worst moment”, we can state once on the mend. While there, however, such a perspective is impossible.

Of course, all those self-help gurus would state that we can break our own fall, find our own ledge. It’s all a question of changing our thinking, they’ll say. While accepting depression as a mental condition that requires medical treatment, many still think our acts and thoughts play a major role in making us feel so down.

For instance, chief motivational guru Anthony Robbins emphatically writes that depressive states are something we have created for ourselves. We have had to work to get ourselves in such a place, he notes – perhaps through how we perceived certain events, as well as how we hold ourselves, how we breath, the things we say in our head, or even through excessive alcohol or drug use. In fact, some people – he states – can find this the most comfortable state to be in, helped by secondary gains such as allowances from peers and sympathy from loved ones. But just as we worked hard to get ourselves in such a place, says Robbins, we can – and should – work to get ourselves out of it.

Yet this seems a little glib to me. Such words are easy to say, and make sense at a primary level. Banishing the “black dog” – as Winston Churchill used to call his periodic depressions – is no easy task. Nonetheless, we can at least try and lift the clouds – perhaps through small actions that, at first, feel forced. After a while, however, they may, just, help us spot that elusive light at the end of the tunnel.

Here are my – totally non-scientific – thoughts**:

1) Be aware of our state. Sure, we can pursue the indulgences of our misery. We can drink too much, play melancholic music and wallow in our despondency. After all, any bungy-jumper or sky-diver will tell you that falling is a pleasant sensation (though not one I intend to experience). But, at some point, the bungy rope kicks in or the parachute opens. Be aware – very aware – that, at some point in our mental descent we’ll need to break our fall and that our current state must be viewed as no more than a temporary indulgence.

2) Note the positives. Having spent 10 minutes feeling like a loser, we should spend another 10 minutes noting the positives in our life, no matter how meagre they feel or how refutable they seem. Health, friendship, family, income, the fact we are alive and therefore tomorrow’s coming – anything. Just note that – amongst the doom – good fortune exists. Write it down.

3) Note the problems. Keep with the writing for a moment, because it may help to also write down our misfortunes. Why do they feel like such a calamity? What went wrong? Where was the wrong turning? And what are the lessons that can prevent a repeat?

4) Plot the steps for redemption. Sure, we may think “what repeat?” There’s no second chance with this one. But I thought that with my first book. So much so it took me 10 years to write a second. Yet that was my decision. I could have written a second book immediately – there was nothing stopping me. That said, the 10 year gap resulted in a very different – and much better – book. But I had to make that second chance a reality. Why not plot the steps required – however unlikely they now seem – to making that second chance a reality?

5) Plan 10-years hence. That said, 10 years is not a bad timeframe. We need to give ourselves a significant runway to overcome our major setbacks. In many cases our despondency regarding our chances is no more than our impatience. We have drawn too tight a timeline. Stretch weeks into months and months into years, and we give ourselves a far greater chance of success. And remember, it’s the direction of travel that’s important for our mental well-being – not the destination (which can cause a sense of deflation if reached too quickly). Destinations are for compass setting. Once heading in the right direction – no matter how slowly – enjoy the progress.

6) Maintain the routine. While depressed, we should maintain our routine, no matter how hard that seems. Go to work, keep that dental appointment, visit our parents at the weekend, keep that date with a friend. Assuming you are bad company and withdrawing is a colossally self-reinforcing move. Sure you may be bad company for a few minutes, but so what? Most people enjoy hearing others’ misfortunes (as long as it doesn’t go on and on) – it makes them feel empathetic. Also, keep getting dressed, keep washing, shaving and – especially – exercising (and if you don’t exercise, go for a long walk or bike ride – or just visit a museum). It’s ridiculous to try and look the part as well as feel it: life isn’t a movie, so don’t act like it is.

7)Break the routine. No, I’m not contradicting myself. Find room to add another dimension. Haven’t been to the cinema for years? Go (though choose a comedy). Never seen an opera? Do so. Always wanted to learn to ride? Now is your chance. Invest in your happiness.

8) Be nice to strangers. Don’t project your depression onto others through irritability or bad manners, especially with respect to strangers. If you usually say good morning to the doorman, force yourself to keep doing so. Their positivity will radiate back. But so will your negativity if it’s stronger. So be false – maintain the veneer. It may just produce a moment that shatters the pain.

9) Give something up. Sugar, caffeine, smoking, chocolate, meat, pornography, late nights, trashy novels, TV, alcohol, pot-smoking, fatty-foods: anything that doesn’t add to your long-term well-being. Just one thing – I’m not asking you to become a hippie or a monk. Dumping something bad for you will immediately make you feel better, reframe your negativity (because you’ve achieved a small victory) and distract you from your current misery.

10) Donate to charity. Something small but significant: £10 perhaps. And don’t discriminate with respect to the cause (or you’ll potentially reinforce negative feelings). Why not give £10 to the first mainstream charity box you find (perhaps the first charity shop in the High Street). After exercise, nothing triggers the release of endorphins more readily than a charitable deed. And don’t look for a thank you. In fact, do the opposite: just this once, make sure no one knows you’ve done it. This is your small private victory against the “black dog”.

**Depression is a clinical condition that requires treatment. The above deals with event-triggered despondency for those only occasionally triggered.

Robert Kelsey is author of What’s Stopping You? Why Smart People Don’t Always Reach Their Potential and How You Can. www.robert-kelsey.co.uk

1 comment:

  1. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your blog this morning – I was feeling a little moody and then I got it all back into perspective!

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